Something a little different for this week’s issue…
This piece was written in response to an event called Monochrome Summer, which was organised by
of Loaded Pen last month. Unfortunately I missed the deadline for submissions, but I decided to labour on and complete it. The theme was There is only one kind of art, and the idea was to create something so badly written that it would be judged the worst entry by some kind of AI thingummyjig, and thereby win the competition. I think those were the rules, anyway. If not, this post could be career-ending.Congratulations to all the very creative Substackers who participated in Monochrome Summer - I enjoyed reading your entries - and a big thank you to Elliot, who invites me to his parties and doesn’t seem to mind when I miss deadlines.
“…what’s that all about? a pile of bricks? I could do that! I could’ve done that at the age of five! minimalist? I’ll give ‘em minimalist! blinking rip off, more like! Constable: now that’s what I call art, that’s proper painting that is, that’s someone with some skill, isn’t it? Constable, Turner, that type of thing, but I mean! a pile of bricks? my mate said to me “Simon,” he said, “if you don’t like it why don’t you go and look at something else?” but it’s taxpayer’s money, isn’t it? it’s taxpayer’s money they’re spending! that and lottery funding - I mean look at that over there! My Bed it’s called, My Bed? I’ll give ‘er My Bed, what’s that all about? a dirty old bed with a load of rubbish emptied out all over it! laughing at us they are, laughing all the way to the bank! I could do that! I could’ve done that at the age of five! did you see that shark in a glass case? do me a favour - the world’s gone mad! what a rip off that was! can’t remember who did it but he’s another one pulling the wool over our eyes! why can’t we have a bit more Van Gogh? he’s the fella! proper paintings they are, that’s what I want to see hanging on the walls - that’s what I call real art, he could paint he could, he knew what he was doing, that’s proper skill isn’t it? eh? come again? what do you mean nobody bought his pictures? didn’t they know art when they saw it? what’s that all about…?!”
💙💚💙💚💙👽💙💚💙💚😱💚💙💚